Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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