I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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