it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
