:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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