oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
