I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
