Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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