Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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