Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
