guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize