i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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