Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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