you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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