I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im holly from the hills drunk
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
