she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bring me that man meat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
