I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize