Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
