thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize