32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
