God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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