So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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