Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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