I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
