the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize