i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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