What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
