Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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