Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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