At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
