Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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