Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
