Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
