Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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