just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
