That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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