don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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