um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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