How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
