That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
