i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
