he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
