woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
