Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I touched a dick in church today
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize