So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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