i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
