We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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