tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
