i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
