Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
