Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
