How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
