What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
