What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
