if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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