She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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