We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
