I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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