i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
