there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
