you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
