Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
