Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
