Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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