this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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