Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
