I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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