My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
