and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
