please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
